Habits of the Soul

Pride and Pity
After talking to both children about the habits of our souls, naturally I am convicted. Differently than usual though, because I am actually seeing their habits lived out before me in my own stuff! Ok! I am not starting my own pity party or playing "pity games" which is what we called it when my dd was younger. She is older and she continues to struggle here. I know that they will struggle with sin stuff with or without my modeling. But, this dichotomy that I want to identify has more to do with how to see their stuff differently. I think when I struggle with something personally and have not been wrestling with it then it is tough to coach someone on the same stuff. You know the whole lesson on take the plank out of your own first before helping others with their splinter. Here lie two of my planks.

Here goes... Pity: I am surrounded by laundry! Justification: (The machine is on the blitz. I need to follow-through and finish the ones that are clean.) Pity: Dishes are stacked. Justification: It doesn't take long when you are serving three meals a day for a family of 3-4. And, I even keep my meals simple. The homeschooling lessons are being delivered one by one, Hurray! Hurray! (Do you hear the tune... of the Ants are marching one by one, Hurrah! Hurrah?)

Agh! I have just come from "coaching" my daughter on indulging in self-pity and here I stand in the midst of my own "Math problems" and I find myself asking "are you going to feel sorry for yourself or are you going to do something about it?"
I have just come from "coaching" my son on justifying every instruction I deliver. And, yet my justifications are enslaving me as well and a voice whispers, "Be still, humble yourself, and know that I am God."

In the midst of my potential "self-pitied moment" with loads of laundry, dishes, lessons, and other life choices I am tempted to feel sorry for myself by crawling under a blanket and snoozing. (I do not have a problem with napping but presently I am physically rested.) And, like dd I stand staring, pouting, "but, I don't know where to start."

In the midst of my attempt to self-justify I find myself sparring (at least internally) over the urge to indulge in my "frustrations" on how I am justified and "entitled." Thus the pride sets in and the quest for self-content is never-ending. And like my ds I find myself confessing through gritted teeth, "But, I don't like to get it wrong."

And, again I hear a voice whisper, "Be still, humble yourself, and know that I am God."

Yes, I am maintaining a sense of sanity. Perhaps because my soul finds peace knowing that He who began a good work, will be faithful to complete it! And, though the daily surrendering of my habits can be painful, or at the least inconvenient I know that He is good! His desire is not even remotely eager to see me slip up. Though my enemies may want to see me flop, He embraces me, He stands me on two feet again so that I might move forward victoriously. I am not deceived. I must not move forward vainly, rather only for His Glory, not mine! On the contrary, He will take all my stuff, my temptation to be pitied, to be proud. And, He will prune faithfully so that I might produce fruit for others to taste. And, in the tasting they, too, will see that He is good.

The light... that I must stop surrender today, specifically... the laundry, the dishes, the lessons, all of the million piece puzzle in my mind, the justifications, and start right where I am and take one step at a time

And, practically speaking... much of that million piece puzzle is of my own making. For He will not give more than I can do, and do well. Furthermore, I must be prepared to stand firm when tempted to give up and then to let go when tempted to covet and want more than what today holds.